Culture

Just a quick post to prove that it's not all beers and sports out here in the peninsula. I hiked into the mountains to a Buddhist temple and it was, plain and simply, fucking beautiful- really tranquil.

I drank from the fountain of health (couldn't find the fountain of eternal life) and walked the Bridge to Heaven (see below). Good times.

Stupid shit from school

So I've been looking for childish humour and this book appeared in the junior school library today. Thank you jesus. The kindergarten grade literature is full of gems like this. I myself pitched in recently in a half hour lesson about 'Mom's box'- which gets up to all sorts of mischief.

Funnier still was one letter I found on display in a corridor. The kids practice their english by writing letters to historical figures. Most were pretty dull but this one was an eye-catcher, see if you can guess who it is...

"Dear Anne

I am happy to write to you to say hello but I do not because you are dead.

I say that if I was in your place I think it is a crazy to write diary I would not do it. You are brave but also crazy...."

Poor quality humour I know but this tickled me for a while. The budget brand of stationary here is called 'Morning Glory' and advertises it's 'strength'. So far that's it but i'll be sure to keep you posted.

Language Barriers

Sorry for the delay but i've been really busy since my last post.

Believe it or not dealing with the Korean populace with a five word vocabulary is fairly easy. More problematic are the encounters with the majority of english speaking teacher out here who are from accross the pond. So far i've been told that i've got 'nice teeth for a Britisher', been subjected to a ten minute lecture on why soccer derives its name from 'association football' (we al know this is true but americans seem to think we don't) as well as an assortment of various comments on my accent and certain words I use. I hate to break ranks with the whole travelling the world and being chilled out movement but an uncanny proportion of americans are pricks. However, fair is fair and these guys can eat.

Ignorance

Shit i'm a bad tourist.

I attempted to purchase a pair of astroturf boots today. This is so I can partake in 'Soccer Sunday' (you have to say this in the most annoying american accent possible- think Budweiser advert/multiball). I've been assured that the standard is fairly low, but judging by the humidity and the fact that everyone here apart from me has the torso of an extra from Enter the Dragon I think I could be in trouble. If they take it anywhere near as seriously as their facial expressions suggest, i'll be lucky to escape without serious injury.

Anyway, i'm struggling with Korean. So before I went to the store I wrote the Korean for 'hello' and 'thanks' on my hand in biro. Unfortunately, where i'm the sweatiest man in Korea this came off immediately upon leaving the air-conditioned sanctuary of my appartment. This meant that I had to bumble my way through the purchase using my now well-rehearsed poniting, nodding and 'ok' hand signal. I'm pretty sure that they think i'm a tosser.

Talking of which, a previously undiscoved cupboard under my sink happens to contain no less than eight large boxes of Korean Kleenex- must love a wank these guys...

Friendly

Wow, people are friendly here. If you're a westerner people treat you like you're a film star.



By far the friendliest so far is Mr Kim, who comes round my house and brings me food, english language newspapers and mobile phones. He looks like an oriental Les Dennis (before the split), speaks no english and seems as though he's always in a pretty fucking good mood.



This city is filled with english schools so there's plenty of teachers. I've already met loads of people and it's a real community.

By far the best Korean phenomenon so far is the couples who wear matching clothes! Normally it's some ridiculous mickey mouse shorts/t-shirt set!

Report to follow.

Day One

Two international flights and one domestic transfer- a total of 30hrs- and I am finally here. Turns out that Friday is national holiday so I've been left alone in my apartment for the first three days. All the better to bore you shitless with the finer details of my trip my dear...

Firstly , it would be nothing short of an injustice if I didn't mention what a fantastic airline Emirates is. Seriously, you get about five hundred touch-sceen options including live camera angles of outside the plane and the food is about as good a I think it's ever going to be out of a tin-foil triangle. The staff act as though back home, their enire family and/or vintage Guitar collection has been wired with C4 and a minuscule reduction in their perma-grin will remotely set of the detonator.

The domestic connection combined the seating comfort of the Belsen shuttle with the Audio/Visual delight of Jeremy Beadle's SkyPlus box. It was also where I first discovered the Korean national dish 'Kimchi'- a fermented spicy Cabbage that has a strange property whereby upon consumption it requires almost immediate anal discharge. They eat it with everything over here apparently.

I am already a few steps further down my path of personal enlightenment. In the past couple of days I have learnt:

1. When at Dubai airport, never ask an African man wearing a Chelsea shirt if he knows the Champions League results. 'Chelsea' seems to be very close to the Ugandan for 'I'd like your entire family to stand around me in a circle shouting', while 'I'm sorry' is passable Angolan for 'Yes, i'd like to buy your camera/ please continue to rub my shoulder'.
2. When queuing for immigration, never stand behind an Arabic man. In addition to the fact that they are regarded with a similar suspicion over here as in 'ol Blighty it is also traditional for them to keep each important immigration document at the bottom of a separate case of tat and to answer each question from an official by pointing at their friend (who is holding up the next queue along) and doing the 'Asda price' pocket-tap.
3. Koreans are very, very polite. The man who collected me from the airport (calls me 'brian') insisted on his fragile looking nine year old daughter carrying all of my luggage five flights of stairs to my apartment while he smiled at me as if we had just shared four hours of considerate love-making.

Anyway, i'm about to go out on my on for the first time to orientate myself/buy beer and food. Report to follow. Bloggy D.